Two months ago, I quit my job without another one lined up,was in the middle of trying to start my own fitness business, and was running out of options for making ends meet. Walking my dog pondering next steps, I thought about.. what wold I do all summer if money wasn’t a factor? What resonated most for me was.. I wanted to focus on my own training as an athlete and acquire the skills to become a Kettlebell Instructor, and make strength gainz. And continue in my personal development as a trainer. I realized that even though eventually it is my dream to have my own business, relying on my passion to make money was not allowing me the space to pursue the essentials and the foundation of it. I didn’t want to have a business just to have a business. I want a business in order to help people, to have flexibility and creativity as a trainer and also as a means to an end – to support my own training. But most of all right now, I crave mentorship and coaching for skill development. I realized I’m not there yet. I don’t have the skills I need to confidently set this up which would take my time and focus away from what is most important to me right now. So I quit trying to develop the business, which was still a great experience, albeit a short term one, and focused on my foundation for the long term vision, and what I need to be happy. I needed a way to support my training and certification, and I needed to be in an environment where I was still learning new coaching skills.
Currently training for my kettlebell instructor certification through Strong First, and for my first powerlifting meet in December. I have fallen in love with kettlebells. The skill needed for a crisp snatch, body tension and core strength for a Turkish getup, and balance and stability for a heavy kettlbell swing. I’m equally fascinated with powerlifting – improved skill and proper programming has skyrocketed my deadlift numbers. I’m currently doing an unpaid internship which is two steps forward toward skill development, and one step back for my other goal in life of financial freedom. But this process is not linear and investment in my future sometimes requires sacrifices in other areas. I still don’t know yet how I will pay for my certification course in September, but I’m confident I will find a way, and am training for it as if it will happen. The things I have sacrificed for this last year have really driven home to me the idea.. if you want it bad enough you will find a way. I have spent almost as much on my training and personal development as I do my rent, and although its not ideal, I’ve also skyrocketed my career through these investments, and its been more than worth it. I also find these educational opportunities incredibly rewarding and it makes me happy. Win win.
What training means to me:
I strive to be the best possible version of myself, which to me is in many ways expressed through sport. It challenges me, I delight in the movement and process of training, and learning about training, and experiencing it. I enjoy the process, and I especially enjoy competing. The emotions I felt running my ultra marathon, – both the highs and the low, and getting my deadlift PR recently at 285lb, are not emotions that I feel everyday. I was devastated to be pulled off my 50 mile race, and elated to crush the next one. Getting coached through my deadlift PR a few weeks ago took such mental focus, and inside my head I was literally roaring to psych myself up and to pull the weight off the ground. It was fucking amazing.
I will not be the best in any sport. In fact, genetically, I am probably more suited for running and endurance sports than strength sports. But should be always do what we would naturally be better at? That’s silly. In no way does that take away my joy of the sports I do. My enjoyment is not in comparison to others, but in the ability to learn and acquire new skills and feel powerful in my body. To feel accomplished. To delight in the minutiae of improvement. I spent about 30 minutes yesterday prior to even working on my deadlift just practicing my setup and breathe and brace sequence, and foot positioning. Adjusting, noticing how it feels, and resetting. My six month prep for my first powerlifting meet is not near enough time to reach my potential, but its a fun milestone along the way. I think I am more than capable of getting a 300lb Deadlift in December. And if not then, perhaps the next time. The journey will be enjoyed regardless, because the intensity of emotions you get at the end of it, mirror the effort and intensity you put into it.
I feel so happy lately everyday that I wake up, and a large part of this is due to enjoyment in my training, skill acquisition as a trainer, and also starting a gratitude journal in which I focus on acknowledging and reflecting on these things on a daily basis. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to add in other things important to me like having a yard for my dog, to be able to afford things that are farther down on the list of importance, and to roast my own coffee beans.